Shark MicroStrategy buying bitcoin meme

Once Bitcoin, Twice Shy

Well, the times are gettin’ hard for MicroStrategy (Nasdaq: MSTR), just a hummin’ and hodlin’ all over Wall Street.

You can’t remember when you got your last meal, and you don’t know just how crypto gains feel.

You didn’t know what Bitcoin (BTC) was until Michael Saylor bought the whole lot…

I said my, my, my … I’m once bitcoin, twice shy, baby!

That’s the ticket, Great Ones! A little flashback to the ‘80s with Great White’s “Once Bitten, Twice Shy.

I have a sneaking feeling that most cryptocurrency investors are feeling twice shy lately, but none more than MicroStrategy.

What I'd miss keep Greatness flowing meme

You see, MicroStrategy is supposed to be a global enterprise analytics software company — “supposed to be” being the key phrase there.

The company does provide enterprise analytics software, but it’s not very good at making a profit.

For instance, the company posted a loss of $918.1 million last quarter on revenue of only about $96.9 million.

And before you get any ideas, MicroStrategy isn’t a startup. It’s been around since freaking 1989 … and still has trouble turning a profit.

That’s abysmal performance for a company operating in the red-hot cloud and analytics industries.

But MicroStrategy has a … umm … strategy?

And that strategy is: Buy bitcoin … then buy some more bitcoin. And when that fails, buy more bitcoin.

This morning, MicroStrategy announced it bought an additional 301 bitcoins for about $6 million. The company now holds 130,000 bitcoins.

That’s a lot of bitcoins!

It is indeed a lot of bitcoins. And according to MicroStrategy’s filing, it paid an average of $19,851 for each of those 301 bitcoins. Overall, the company’s average bitcoin purchase price for all 130,000 bitcoins comes in at $30,639 … meaning MicroStrategy is very much underwater on this cryptocurrency investment.

But wait! There’s more…

At today’s price of about $19,125, MicroStrategy’s bitcoin holdings are worth approximately $2.486 billion. That’s a rather impressive bitcoin investment if I do say so myself.

However, MicroStrategy’s market capitalization right now sits at just $2.241 billion.

In other words, the value of MicroStrategy’s enterprise analytics software business is dragging down the value of its bitcoin holdings. When you do the math, MicroStrategy appears to be worth -$245,250,000 without bitcoin.

Clearly, MicroStrategy didn’t know that crypto burned, so it bought some bitcoin … and it lived, and it learned. Unfortunately, MicroStrategy doesn’t got the rhythm or the speed. Apparently outgoing CEO Michael Saylor likes it short and sweet.

Maybe incoming CEO Phong Le can turn things around?

McDonald's crypto bros we're hiring meme

Or maybe MicroStrategy is just that … a micro strategy for investing in bitcoin. Forget about the enterprise analytics software … apparently everyone else on Wall Street has.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I might bash MicroStrategy for … you know … not having a strategy other than “buy bitcoin!” But I’m still onboard the crypto train.

Yes, it’s the middle of the night on the open crypto road… The heater don’t work, and it’s oh so cold. We’re all looking tired, hodlers are kinda beat. But the funky rhythm of Wall Street can really knock you off your feet … especially if you have the right crypto investing strategy.

And that, Great Ones, is what it’s all about. I mean, even the hokey pokey had a strategy, come on.

So what is that ever-so-elusive cryptocurrency strategy? I’m glad you asked…

In the last five years, bitcoin’s rise minted over 100,000 millionaires. Impressive … but it’s nothing compared to what’s around the corner.

According to Ian King, a new crypto is taking the world by storm.

Goldman Sachs confessed it “could overtake bitcoin.” Nasdaq concluded it’s a “contender to be the next crypto king.” Other experts are saying it will be 20 times bigger than bitcoin by 2030 — meaning we could see as many as 2 million new millionaires by the end of the decade.

If you missed out on the bitcoin bonanza, this is your second chance.

Ian King’s recent crypto trades have gone up as high as 1,061% … 1,934% … and even 18,325%, all in less than a year. But they’re nothing compared to this new crypto opportunity he believes will dwarf bitcoin.

That’s why Ian did this exclusive interview. In it, he reveals why this coin will dominate the crypto world … and how you can invest in it today with as little as $20.

Click here to learn more.

Going, Going...Gone!

Going: Ford’s Billion-Dollar Fumble

Press F pay respects for Ford meme

Seinfeld fans know that every day has a “feel” to it … except Tuesday.

Ford (NYSE: F) investors would disagree, on the other hand. For F investors, Tuesdays usually feel like an F’ing letdown.

The automaker just announced that it expects costs to be about $1 billion more than previously predicted. And that’s just for the current quarter — not the rest of the year.

Let me guess: inflation? Supply chain problems?

Why not both?

Ford’s been plagued by both inflation and supply chain problems all pandemic long … oh yeah, and the actual, you know, plague. Ford still hasn’t exactly found its footing through any of these problems, however.

Parts shortages still affect 40,000 to 45,000 vehicles, mostly including Ford’s higher-margin trucks and SUVs.

As you’d expect, investors aren’t too excited about next quarter’s earnings report, even though Ford says it will “provide more dimension about expectations for full-year performance” during the report … whatever that entails.

F’ing shares sold off 10% on the announcement.

Going: You’re Not You When You’re Hungry

Beyond Meat COO bites nose meme

You ever cut off your nose to spite your face? No, wait, that’s not it.

You ever bite someone else’s nose to spite your face? No? Well it goes a lil’ something like this…

Beyond Meat (Nasdaq: BYND) COO Doug Ramsey was in a road rage incident outside a football game where he “punched through the back windshield” of another car, pulled the other driver in close, started punching away and ended up biting the guy’s nose.

Do you bite your thumb at me, sir? Hey, wait, ow!

Normally, we don’t verge into the realm of gossip and whodunnit, but when the whodunnit’s mugshot is all over CNBC and the gossip is soiling a company’s stock … well, don’t mind if I do.

Beyond Meat hasn’t issued a statement about the incident, and honestly, what would the company say? We don’t support nose-biting? We thought the guy was a vegan until he bit another human?

It’ll probably come out with some default PR language about “we are not our employees” or “specific employees don’t represent the entire company” or whatever corporate feel-good message you see fit.

Nobody nose … the weird stuff I’ve seen in the finance media. But this is a new one, even for me. BYND shares sank 4% today. Related? Unrelated? You decide.

Gone: Sitting Ducks In A Row

Peloton sinking Row machine $3,000 meme

For all you Peloton (Nasdaq: PTON) investors watching your shares not-so-merrily float downstream, at least now you can row, row, row your rowing machine after them.

Peloton’s new “Row” is now available for preorder. The machine requires a $44 per month subscription, because of course it does — this is Peloton.

While the company’s previous bikes and treadmills had limited functionality without a subscription (which is B.S. in itself), it’s still unclear what functionality the Row will have — if any — should you not opt for the subscription.

Oh, yeah … and it costs $3,195. Like, double the price of a tremendous rowing machine from NordicTrack. But I guess that’s just the cost of … well, what? The cost of branding? The cost of being hoity-toity because you overpaid for a Peloton?

Seriously, does Peloton even have any of that Apple-esque brand allure to it anymore? All that hyped-up herd mentality that made people pay up for these machines in the first place? After pretty much going broke in the pandemic, passing cost increases onto its subscribers and who knows how many horrid commercials?

You sure are asking me a lotta questions today, Great Stuff.

So are PTON investors. Sure, the company is finally selling its products on Amazon, meaning it can reach more of its target customers. But how many target customers does Peloton still have? With gyms opening and literally every other workout alternative being cheaper, Peloton’s rowing itself into a choppy post-pandemic fitness market.

What do you think, Great Ones? Got any thoughts on today’s Great Stuff? Head on over to our inbox to share your side of the conversation:

In the meantime, here’s where you can find our other junk — erm, I mean where you can check out some more Greatness:

Joseph Hargett. Editor of Great Stuff

Joseph Hargett
Editor, Great Stuff